英语课前三分钟笑话【英语幽默小笑话】

英语课前三分钟笑话【英语幽默小笑话】

英语幽默小笑话

英语幽默小笑话 英语幽默小笑话：太阳和月亮 Two boys are

talking about the sun and the moon. “Which one of them is more

useful“ asked one of them. 两个男孩在谈论太阳和月亮。“它们中哪个更有用”其中一个问道。

"Of course the moon is. The moon is in the sky when it"s dark,

but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody needs it." “当然是月亮。月亮在天黑时挂在天空，但太阳是在白天谁也不需要 它时挂在天空。” 英语幽默小笑话：there"s only ONE policeman One day,

a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was

interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now,

he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad" "Well, my

son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I

regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the

boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!" 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感 兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意 思”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四 个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

英语幽默小笑话：A Girl"s Name 女孩的名字 When our daughter was

born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father,

despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性 的) .

Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained

to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father

because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom.

But I don"t understand why my grandfather had a girl"s name. 女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同 一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你 的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信 他会为你而深感自豪的。

迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不 知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

英语幽默小笑话：A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游 One stupid guy

reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ he signs

up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him

unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon

another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.

Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together,

the first man says, "I wonder if they"re serving any food on this cruise."

"I don" t know, the second guy replied. "They didn"t last year." 一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付 了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了 河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。

十五分钟后，这两个 人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。” 英语幽默小笑话：Keep feeding him nickels A mother

saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it.

She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him

on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically, she

called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and

coughed up two dimes!What shall I do "Yelled back the father,"Keep

feeding him nickels!" 母亲见三岁的儿子将一枚五分镍币放进嘴里吞

了下去，她立刻将他抱 起，头朝下不停地拍打他的后背，他咳出了两枚一角的硬币，她发狂似的朝正在 外面的孩子父亲喊道：

“你儿子刚才吞下了一枚五分镍币，可咳出两枚一角的硬 币!我该怎么办呢”孩子他爸大声回答道：“再喂他几枚镍币!” 英语幽默小笑话：Dumas仲马One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the

greatFrench novelist， with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather

was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to

know"mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree

beganwhere yours terminates.” 有一天，一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马，讥笑他的祖先。

那家伙厉声说：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血儿，你父亲是黑白混血儿，而你的 祖父是个黑人。” “是的，”仲马大声回敬：“还有呢，如果你想知道的话， 我的 曾祖父是一只猴子。其实我的血统起始于你的血统终止的地方。” 英语幽默小笑话：Back Up Two Miles退后两英里 A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow

lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass

for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his

horn . "If you don"t back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I

won"t like what I"m going to have to do." The surprised driver put his

car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy

to go by. "What was it you wouldn"t have liked to have done back

there" asked the farmer"s son. "Back up two miles," replied the farmer.

一位农夫和他的儿子乘坐轻便马车来到一段窄路，他们遇到一个开车

的人向相反的方向去。两个方向的两英里以内都没有地方可以使他们相擦而过。

驾车人甚是着急，按响了喇叭。

“如果你不后退，”农夫说着撸起了袖子，“我可 不喜欢我将不得不做的事。”司机吃惊不小，挂上倒挡，向后退了两英里，让轻 便马

车先过去。

“刚才在那儿你说过的你不喜欢要做的事是什么”农夫的儿子问道。

“退后两英里，”农夫回答道。

英语幽默小笑话：Day after Day 日复一日 A teacher was always

so involved in the text being studied that he never looked up . He

would call on a student for translation and explanation, and-without

realizing it-he often chose the same student day after day. Out of

respect, the student wouldn"t point this out to being called

on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from

his friends. The next day when the teacher said "Goldberg, translate

and explain," Goldberg replied, "Goldberg is absent today ." "All right,"

said the teacher. "YOU translate and explain. 一位老师对所讲课文总是非常投入，从不抬头。他常让一个学生来翻 译和解释，并且----不自觉地----他常日复一日地叫同一个学生。出于尊敬，学生 并不给他指出这一点。

一个叫古德伯格的学生，在被一连叫了四天之后，向他的朋友寻求建 议。第二天，这位教师又说：“古德伯格，翻译并解释。”古德伯格回答说：“古 德伯格今天缺席。” “那好吧，”教师说，“那就你来翻译并解释。” 英语幽默小笑话：The Choice of Word选词 One day,

John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking

their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the

baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife

chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby. During one night several

weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His

wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.

一天下班回家，约翰发现妻子在摇半岁的女儿，嘴里反复念道：“爸-

爸。”约翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子选择了“爸爸”这个词首先教孩子。

几周后的一天夜里，约翰和妻子被一阵哭声惊醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫 你，亲爱的。”妻子说，然后翻身竟自睡了。

英语幽默小笑话：Three Men in a Boat Three Men in a Boat Three

men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading

a newspaper;

the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks,

cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to

watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the

other two."Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, "

warned the officer, "you"d better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the

man replied, and he began rowing furiously. 三人同舟 三位男子在公园的长椅上坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假 装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。

一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其 他两位。

“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友。” “那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。” “好的，警官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂般地做起划桨的动作 来。

英语幽默小笑话：

The King"s Brother 国王的兄弟 A poor man， presenting

himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that

he was his brother. Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred

to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one

common fatherand mother—viz.， Adam and Eve.” Upon which the

kinggave him a little copper piece of money. The poor man beganto

bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give

no more than this to your brother”“Away， away，”replies the king;“if

all the brothers you have in theworld give you as much as I have done，

you"ll be richer than Iam.” 一个穷汉去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的

兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王 想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷汉回答说，“我们有共同的祖先——亚当和夏娃。” 听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子儿。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道您国王 陛下就给兄弟这么一点点钱吗”“走开，快走，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的 兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。” 英语幽默小笑话：老虎来了When a Tiger comes Two guys were walking through the

jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running

towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his

bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look

and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with

those" His friend replies: "I don"t have to out run it, I just have to run

faster than you." 两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

当中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”跑鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说， “你以为穿上跑鞋就可以跑得过老虎吗” 他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我 只要跑得比你快就行了。”