MyhusbandPaul翻译

My husband Paul's hands had a fine, firm feeling: warm, never cold,

never moist, their slight pressure always reassuring (使安心的). And

whenever those hands sought mine in the final days of his life, he

pressed them both together around one of my hands.

牵 手

海伦·托尔西·阿诺里

丈夫保罗的手舒服有力：暖暖的，从来不会发凉潮湿，轻轻的一握总是令我感到安心踏实。在他生命最后的那些日子里，每次他摸到我的手，都会把我的一只手放在他的两手之间握着。close

2RT It was during that time, as I sat by his bed, that I tried to

memorize his hands. They were twice as long as mine and half a hand

wider. His fingers did not get thinner; they were long and square, laced

with fine veins (血管) all the way to the tips. His nails squared off (使成方形) the ends of his fingers, with clearly defined white edges. He had

always taken great care to keep them neat. They were not tough hands;

nor soft, either. They were the hands of a college professor whose tools

were chalk and red pens.

也就是在那段时间里，我坐在他的床边，竭力记住他双手的样子。他的手比我的手要长一倍，宽一半；手指上下一般粗，方方长长的，毛细血管一直延伸到指尖。方正的指甲使得指尖也呈正方形，指甲一圈白的边清晰可见。他总是悉心地让双手洁净无暇。它们既不粗糙，也不柔软多肉。那是双持粉笔和红墨水钢笔的大学教授的手。close

3RT I wondered if his students had difficulty reading his handwriting. I

had grown used to it the year we were apart — engaged to be married,

but separated — so he could pursue a master's degree at Bradley

University, 800 miles away from our Pennsylvania hometown.

不知道他的学生是否觉得他的字难以辨认。我们分开的那年我渐渐熟悉了他的字体。我俩订婚后曾分隔两地，因为他要到距离宾夕法尼亚州（我们的家）800英里的布拉德利大学攻读硕士学位。close

4RT Had I remembered to tell him that I found his large hands

beautiful? Did I ever explain that, before our marriage, when he was

invited regularly to dinner in my home, my mother was fascinated with

the quiet way he managed the silverware and coffee cups in his hands

in which they nearly disappeared? Did I mention that in his clasp — in

a movie, in sad moments in church, in the hospital beds to which the

illnesses of his last four years confined him — I felt pure and honest

expressions of his love?

不知我是否记得告诉过他我觉得他那双大手很美。不知我是否告诉过他，结婚前他定期到我家做客吃饭时，他使用银制餐具和咖啡杯的斯文样子，令我母亲十分欣赏，银具和杯盏在他手里几乎都没了踪影。也不知我是否告诉过他，在看电影时，在教堂悲伤时，在那张最后四年病魔困得他脱不了身的病榻上，他紧紧的一握令我至真至切地感受到了他的爱。close

5RT In those hands, also, originated his caring for his children. It was

a point of pride that he gave our newborn daughter her first bath. At

seven pounds and fourteen ounces, she fit comfortably into the length

of those two hands, but his large fingers moved with grace and delicacy

to bathe her and the five babies who followed.

他对孩子们的关爱之情也源于他的那双手。大女儿的第一个澡就是他给洗的，这让他倍感骄傲。7磅14盎司的女儿舒舒服服地躺在他那双大手里，长长的手指灵巧细致地给大女儿和后来的5个孩子洗浴。close

6RT Those hands, in our early hard times, gave haircuts to three sons

in the course of their growing up and toweled three daughters' hair dry

after showers.

在我们早期艰难的日子里，那双手给三个正在长大的儿子理发，给三个浴后的女儿擦干头发。close

7RT They manipulated suitcases, with a maximum of sweat and a

minimum of complaints in top-of-the-car carriers (置物架) of station

wagons for trips to Pennsylvania to visit grandparents. They traced

patterns in the air as he taught his marketing students in the university

in which he had studied so many years before.

多少次要去宾夕法尼亚探望孩子的祖父母，在旅行大巴车顶上他那双手把一个个旅行箱往货架上放，他汗流浃背，但毫无怨言。在他早年曾就读过的大学里，他教授市场营销专业的学生，用这双手在空中比划出一个个营销模式。close

8RT Those hands clasped mine in the most frightening moments of his

illnesses. They reached for mine through seven months of

chemotherapy (化疗) and its agonizing side effects, through the few

weeks of the end of his life, when children came to visit, give service (宗教仪式) and mourn (为···哀痛) in advance what they could clearly see

was the end of their father's seventy-five years.

在他病得最令人胆颤心惊的时候，那双手紧紧地攥着我的手。在他经受7个月的化疗及其副作用的痛苦折磨期间，他向我伸出双手。在他生命的最后几个星期里，他向我伸出双手。孩子们来探视他，看出他们75岁的父亲命不久矣而提前祷告哀悼时，他还是向我伸出双手。close

9RT Those hands clasped mine in the deepest, darkest moment when

he whispered in my ear, "I wonder ... how it is to die. I wonder if it

hurts." I could only give him what I believed was the sum of his life —

that he would be surrounded, uplifted, overjoyed with the glory of God.

在那最为黑暗的时刻，他攥着我的手，在我耳边小声说道：“不知道······会是怎样死去。不知道会不会疼痛。”我当时唯一能告诉他的就是我深信他此生将有个圆满的结局：他会被簇拥着抬起，在上帝的荣光中感到无比欢愉。close

10RT Finally, he was no longer able to hold my hands. Early one

morning, when I offered Paul a breakfast, he could no longer eat. In a

state of nervous anxiety I clipped, filed (锉光) and whitened his

fingernails. There was no movement, no recognition, no response as I

laid his hands across his chest, where they had lain still for several days.

Within an hour, when the nurse checked him with her stethoscope (听诊器), there was nothing left for me to do but close his bright green eyes

and lay my hands on his for the last time, in the quiet peaceful corner

of our bedroom.

最后，他再也没有力气握住我的手了。清晨，我给保罗喂早餐，他再也不能下咽了。我在紧张焦虑中修剪、打磨他的指甲，把指甲白的边缘弄干净。我把他的手放到他的胸前（他的手放在那儿一动不动已经好几天了），它们没有动静，没有认可，没有反应。一个小时的时间里，护士用听诊器做了检查，剩下我唯一能做的事就是合上他那双明亮的绿眼睛，在我们卧室恬静的一隅里最后一次把我的手放在他的手上。close

11RT Months later, I opened the top drawer of Paul's dresser one

Sunday and reached in for one of his clean, pressed handkerchiefs — I

liked to use them now. What I touched was an opened pack of emery

boards (指甲砂锉).

几个月后的一个周日，我打开保罗衣橱最上面的一个抽屉，取他折叠整齐的干净的手帕（我现在喜欢用那些手帕）时，我触摸到了一个开了封的指甲砂锉袋。close

12RT For seven-and-a-half months, my grief for my husband had

been frozen within me like an icy presence that would not yield. Then,

this last Sunday of February, I was undone by the simple presence of

emery boards. Tears came as I closed my eyes and tried in vain to

remember the clasp of Paul's hands.

7个半月里，对丈夫逝去的悲伤如同冰凌雪块封存在心中，不曾融化。可在二月的最后一个周日，目睹面前的指甲锉具，我无法克制自己了。我闭上眼睛，怎么也回忆不起保罗的双手握着我的手时的感觉，泪水夺眶而出。close

13RT Soon after, Stephen, the youngest — who most resembles his

father — came to see me. When it was time to go, Stephen kissed me

good-bye and then, impulsively, took my hand in both of his large,

broad ones. For several moments, I couldn't speak. It was as though

his father's long, graceful hands clasped mine once again. Still

reassuring me.

那之后没过多少日子，斯蒂芬来看我，他是我们的最小的儿子，长得也最像他的父亲。临走的时候，斯蒂芬吻了吻我，和我道别；然后，把我的手一把攥在他那双又大又宽的手中。好一阵子，我说不出话来，仿佛他父亲那双长长的、雅致的手再次握住了我的手，令我依然感到安心平静。close