读后续写之烘培店的故事+讲义 高三英语二轮复习

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Aram and Rossi's Bakery

Walking along the narrow brick sidewalk, Aram took a deep breath.

The air smelled of lemons and baked bread and coffee, coming from

Rossi’s Italian Bakery. He was almost there.

Aram still couldn't believe his luck. All his friends were working boring

summer jobs — waiting tables and babysitting. And here he was, about to

start as an actual baker's assistant, doing what he loved. It was all thanks

to his Aunt Rita. She knew Mrs Rossi and had arranged everything. It

was the perfect experience for his future career. Rossi's Bakery, he was

sure, would one day be known as the place where he got his start.

Ah, here he was — the bakery. A faded wooden sign over the door read

"Rossi's Bakery." Aram straightened his shoulders and entered. Mrs Rossi

was sitting at the counter, looking old and wise. Aram greeted her and

stuck out his hand. Mrs Rossi looked at it for a second before turning

around and waving him inside. “I’m ready to learn every thing,” Aram

said.

“Great. Let’s start with the cash register,” Mrs. Rossi said, "because

that’s what you'll be doing." She showed him how to use the cash register.

It wasn't hard. The pastry trays were all marked by price, and there

weren't that many choices anyway. "That's it?" Aram said, his heart

sinking. "But when do we bake?"

"Bake? I order wholesale now. No more baking. I’m too old.,, Then

Mrs Rossi silently held up her hands. Aram took in her knotted, swollen

fingers, and he understood. A wave of disappointment struck him.

Sadness overwhelmed him so suddenly that he couldn't think of a word to

say.

He sighed, and Mrs Rossi sighed, too. "I used to bake it all. Bread and

cakes.

And no one did it better than me. But that was when these things

worked," said Mrs Rossi holding up her hands once more and glancing

across the shelves filled with empty bottles labeled with names of the

various ingredients(配料) she once used. Suddenly she came alive,

waving her arthritic(关节炎的) hands. "People used to line up around the

corner. Everyone wanted my baked bread.”

注意：1. 续写词数应为150左右；

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Paragraph1: Then a thought

occurred to Aram that he could ask Mrs Rossi to teach him.

Paragraph2: Mrs Rossi finally said, "Let's buy the ingredients first."

下水作文赏析

Then a thought occurred to him that he could ask Mrs Rossi to teach

him. He couldn't wait to pour out his idea to Mr. Rossi. ess was

mapped over his face, longing for her grant. However, what he was

greeted was a direct refusal, "Look at my swollen fingers, arthritic hands.

Maybe it is time for me to continue the wholesale mode." However,

Aram wasn't discouraged because, firmly she said, he still sniffed a

tone of hesitation/affection. a keen baker, who didn't know

self-baked bread was what her inner spirit lay in? Aram continued, "Your

hands witness your devotion to your cause, which is exactly what

wholesale lacks." listening to the words only shared by

enthusiasts, Mrs. Rossi squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip, lost in

Rossi finally said, "Let's buy the ingredients first." “Yes! I

knew it!” Aram jumped up, feeling over the moon. When they shopped

on the shopping mall, Mr. Rossi explained in detail about the specific

usage about each ingredient. "This brand is using natural fat and that

brand mixes natural fat with man-made fat. …" Aram carved all the

essences of the experience in his mind. When the "Rossi Bakery"

reopened, Aram was busy sending samples to passers-by. they

couldn't help nodding their head, exclaiming, "Yummy！This is the best

bread that I have tasted!", no words could describe their inspiration. Aram

exchanged a meaningful glance with Mrs. Rossi and couldn't help

picturing his future shop where his bread, injected with devotion, warmth

and love, would never be replaced.

原文亮点：

一、情节逻辑方面从Aram提议→Rossi拒绝→Aram坚持→Rossi拒绝→一起购买材料，制造面包等环节，情节合理，逻辑上也都经得起推敲。

二、语言方面

1. 运用了较多具体动词：pour out/be mapped over/be greeted with/sniff

a tone of hesitation/squeeze eyes shut/bite lips/jump up/carve sth in one's

mind/nod one's head/exchange a meaningful glance with/

2. 运用了多模态状语：现在分词/介词短语/状语从句等

一些改动建议：

句1：longing的逻辑主语(Aram)和主句的主语(eagerness)不一致，需要改动。

句2：让步状语从句的倒装似乎有些问题，应为：Firmly as/though as

she said it,......

句3：不需用疑问句，会出现who指代不明的情况(who应该指代Rossi)，建议改为陈述句。

句4：listening to改为hearing较好。

句5：seeing的逻辑主语(Aram and Rossi)和主句的主语no words不一致，需改动。

另外，字数过多了(243词)，有的地方可以精简，不用样样详述，比如Rossi对手工面包的热爱，不用说大家都知道，还有在市场买东西时Rossi对原料的详解，都是不太重要的信息。倒是应该增加Rossi在旁帮助Aram做面包的情节。最后，Rossi是女性，用Mrs.较好。

改进建议

Then a thought occurred to him that he could ask Mrs Rossi to teach

him. He poured out his idea to Mrs. Rossi, eagerness mapped over his

face. Before Aram even finished, Mrs. Rossi waved her hands before his

eyes and released a resigned sigh, "Son, Look at my hands! No longer fit

for making bread!" Firmly as she put it, Aram sniffed a touch of

reluctance in her tone so he insisted, "Your hands witnessed your

devotion to your cause, which wholesale bread would never make up

for!" Those words, like a dagger, stabbed into Mrs. Rossi's heart.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she bit her lip tight, her chest heaving with

passion. Mrs Rossi finally said, "Let's buy the ingredients first." “Yes! I

knew it!" Aram jumped up, throwing his fist into the air. With all the

ingredients bought, Aram immediately rolled up his sleeves and began to

work, with Mrs. Rossi offering instructions nearby. When word spread

that "Rossi's Bakery" had returned, regular customers streamed

in and sampled the bread lined on the shelf. Mouths bulging, they

couldn't help putting up their thumbs. That summer, injected with

devotion, warmth and love, turned out to be the most unforgettable one

for both Aram and Rossi's Bakery. (188 words)尾句照应了一下标题。